Life, the universe, and lunch

Quest for faith

Well I was going to have Tam home Friday night again, but I saw my parents for breakfast on friday (I do that a lot, last kid syndrome) and they were telling me that Tam wanted to go to church on saturday. The two of us have never been religious... I'm a non-practicing catholic, she's a non practicing baptist. Or at least, she was. At the nursing home she started attending all the different services offered, and somewhere along the line has decided that she has to become a catholic before she dies or she won't get to heaven (or something, it's hard to get real explanations out of somebody who can barely speak). My mom, fortunately, is a devout catholic and is helping Tam along her journey, but it still falls to me to get her to and from church.

Back when Tam and I were dating, she was a real morning person. She waitressed at the The Cozy Diner and was literally up at 4:00 so she could take her time getting ready to open at 7:30. I don't know if that was just because the job demanded it or what, because these days she is anything but a morning person, and if we're going to make it into church at all it's going to be the saturday evening service. With the feeding tube being a ten hour run, there's just no way I can have her home overnight on friday and then get her to church at 6:00 p.m. My parents were seeing her again friday afternoon, so I had them broach the idea of my having her home overnight saturday instead, after church. They called later that day to say that Tam was okay with the idea, so I made some quick friday night plans and thought I was good to go.

I was ready to head out of the office friday night when the phone rings and it's the nursing home. I answer it, expecting it to be some crisis or other (since I'd already spoken with them earlier in the day) but instead it's Tam wanting to talk. I hate these calls! Tam can't hold the phone and is hard enough to talk to face to face... it takes several attempts of the phone being handed back and forth between Tam and the nurse before she manages to get it to her ear in such a way that she can actually hear my responses.

She asks if she's coming home on friday. I explain that it is friday, and no she's not so we can go to church like she wanted to the next day. She asks if she's coming home on friday. I explain that it is friday, and no she's not so we can go to church like she wanted to the next day. She asks if she's coming home on friday. I explain that it is friday, and no she's not so we can go to church like she wanted to the next day. She asks if she's coming home on friday. I explain that it is friday, and no she's not so we can go to church like she wanted to the next day. She asks if she's coming home on friday. I explain that it is friday, and no she's not so we can go to church like she wanted to the next day.

Do not adjust your browser, that was the actual conversation, just with several identical minutes of it left out. I hate leaving things with Tam unfinished, but no matter how I explained things she just wasn't getting it, and I was either going to scream at her or just hang up (water drop torture; it works). Mercifully, the nurse came back on to ask if we were done, and I agonized about things for a bit then said yes, leaving it unfinished. I hope she didn't cry much after that.

So saturday I pick her up a half hour before church, thinking that would be plenty of time given that it's only a block away. She wants to talk about the feeding tube. "Honey, you wanted to go to church, we have to leave now or you'll miss it." "You have to ask the nurse how the feeding tube works, I need the feeding tube." "Honey, you're finished the tube until tomorrow, now it's time for us to go to church." "Call the nurse, you have to call the nurse, I need the feeding tube." And on, and on. Finally I get a flash of brilliance and tell her about my talk with the dietician; that I have an appointment on tuesday morning to learn about the tube, that she'll be weighed on monday, and if her weight hits the target then the amount of time per day that she's on the tube will go down. That breaks her spell and I can get her ready for church, only now there's just five minutes to get there. Argh.

We sneak into the back of the church like last time, and find the aisle that we can head up the farthest yet still get a seat on the edge for me. Last time she couldn't hear the service, so I want to get her as close to the front as possible. This time she can hear but that presents a new problem, she keeps trying to ask me questions about the service during the service. Joy. It finally ends without my somehow having killed her (though having died of embarassment myself), and we meet up with mom and start answering her questions after everyone has filed out.

In some ways I'm happy that Tammy is taking this whole conversion thing seriously and has a lot of questions. The priest, having met her, is okay with bypassing the entire learning process and baptising her as soon as we can clear the paperwork. Part of me is amazed at that, yet another part almost offended that there's not at least some attempt to teach her something first. (Why do I even care? I've been non-practicing for years and don't believe in god... I have no answer to that question.) My mom, ever the trooper, has hunted down a lot of info from her cousin in the RCIA (no, it's not the Roman Catholic Intelligence Agency, rather something to do with conversion) and works through it every week with Tammy. Perhaps the priest knows this.

Anyways, on our way out the priest was still in the vestibule and came over to speak with us. There's a problem -- Tam and I were not married in the catholic church, and apparently we have to have our marriage blessed by the church before she can convert. For those keeping score, we got married in 1997, and in 2004 I broke down after months of holding my ground and we renewed our vows in the spring. We got to write our own though, and I conveniently left out faithfulness, the main sticky point in my initial refusal to do so. Then in the fall of 2004 Tam wanted to renew them yet again on our trip to Vegas. That time I didn't hold out because the venue was a drive-up wedding window, cheesy enough to be worth it and I had already caved in the spring. So apparently, now we're on to marriage number four, and I feel like it's a total sham. Yeah, I'm devoted to Tam and seeing this thing through to the end, and if she wants to convert and this is what we have to do to do it then so be it, but damn...

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posted by ...K @ 12:54 AM