Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Hoses noses roses and moses

So somewhere on friday between the a.m. partying and the p.m. partying, I had the presence of mind to call the nursing home and find out when Tammy would be done her tube feed on Saturday, which was at 5:00 p.m. After much sleeping in I managed to get to the home around 6:00 and pick her up, and had her at home for an overnight stay. Another hurdle cleared in the battle to feel normal again after the surgery, though I still don't feel much better about it.

I had to have her back by 10:00 a.m. sunday so they could start the feed in time for it to be finished at a reasonable hour (it runs for 10 hours!) but that of course didn't happen, Tam was up and down all night. I used to worry about her being dehydrated because it was so difficult to feed her, now if anything she's overhydrated! I have never seen anybody pee so goddamned much in one night, and we're talking about me changing briefs here, not just helping her get to the bathroom. Definitely no fun.

So having her home was good but exhausting; I was up at 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 a.m. dealing with this whole damned pee business. The alarm was set for 8 so I could get her up, ready and make her a decent breakfast (she still enjoys my omelets, somebody has to) and only be a little late. I think at 5 though I turned off the alarm, and got a good four hours sleep before waking up on my own. Prolonging the inevitable, I made myself breakfast and got showered and ready first, then tried to wake Tam. Only she wouldn't wake up. I tried at 9:45, 10:00, 10:30... she just wouldn't stay awake. I mean; I suppose you can force somebody to wake up, but I never do that to Tam. Partly because I love her and if she's sleepy then I want to let her sleep, but mostly because she's so much fucking work once she's awake that I kind of relish in the respite when she doesn't wake easily. Shitty I know, but you'll understand once you've been there.

So anyways, she didn't get up until around noon, at which point I wasn't offering breakfast because we were late enough already. She insisted on it though and by the time I got it made, fed her, got her up, changed, and dressed; we were plenty late. I think it was about 2 that we got to the nursing home, which means she'd be on the feed until midnight! Ooops. Hopefully they cut her short since I went to great pains to explain that she'd had a full breakfast. (A lie. She had so much trouble that it took forever, and she gave up after 2/3rds because the omelet was cold and gross.)

So yeah, having her home overnight was a victory but still surreal, and I'm still fumbling around in that whole 'our lives will never be the same' depression. I asked the nursing home for an appointment to get me trained on how to set up the tube at home, but that's another whole can of worms. I mean, ten hours in one position while she's hooked up? Hardly a normal home visit. And I still can't hug her. And the cats can't sit with her. Sigh. I'd rather just not deal with it but I know that for Tam those ten hours at home sure beat the same ten hours at the nursing home. I guess we'll manage, we always have.

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