Tuesday, November 22, 2005

The quick and dirty update post

I can't believe I haven't posted on here in almost a week. Reason being, the whole feeding tube thing with Tam has been bumming me (and her) out, and I wanted to do a detailed treatise on how I'm feeling. Well fuck that -- it's apparently just too heavy for me to sit down and get serious about. Let me sum up: Despite the nursing home's assurances to the contrary, it felt like this huge turning point, like Tam would never be coming home again. Well on Wednesday night I actually had her home for an hour, which helped a bit but not much. Every time I transfered Tammy to or from the chair, she'd complain that the tube hurt and I had to handle her with kid gloves, and couldn't even give her a decent hug.

Thursday night I was feeling as bummed out as ever and agreed to visit some friends at Roxannes (a local strip club). I wasn't into it and neither were they really, so we moved on to Renaissance (a local gay bar; did I mention they were lesbian friends?) Earlier in the day I'd agreed to take them to TO Friday morning because one of them had an appointment; couldn't get a lift, no bus fare, blah blah blah (help me obi wan, you're my only hope). So anyways, there I was at a gay bar having a merely okay time (still depressed, just two blinks and a gulp from really coming apart) so I thought 'what the hell?' -- we need to be in TO the next morning, I hate rush hour traffic, let's just head there and party all night. We landed at Bebe which was pretty cool (Deko-ze was spinning, need I say more...) but it closed at 3:00 a.m. so we headed to Comfort Zone (where Deko-ze was spinning) and partied until it closed at 7:00. Yes, it is true, I have finally closed the zone!

We cleaned up a bit at a friend's and had breakfast, dropped off the first two at their appointment, then I took the third back with me to Kitchener (company, woohoo!) Around noon I found myself a mere three blocks from work so I started heading in. Uhm, reality check... I was in thursday's clothes, wednesday's shave, smelled like cigarettes and was still pretty mashy. So I turned around and went home to clean up before heading in, but did I ever make it to work? Nope. Did I fall asleep? Well, no. Foolishly I checked e-mail and found a notification from a dating site I hadn't used in months that somebody had 'expressed interest' in me, and wound up responding, updating my profile and cruising a bunch of sites until 7:00 when I realized I'd promised to meet friends at 8 to head into Toronto for my friend irGO's set at System. So I cleaned up and off we went.

From extreme depression to extreme partying. At least I lead a well balanced life...


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